Journal

log 11/7/2025

Hi there, neocitizens. I guess it's the closest I've been to creating my little web-corner, thanks to the amazing petrapixel and their layout generator. Of course I wish to create my website from scratch but I'd rather not die of impatience. I also believe that tools like that are created for people to enjoy so why not use it? There's enough destructive perfectionism in my mentality already. Anyways, as much as I wish to code'n'create till the morning, I gotta log off cause I'm heading to the studio tomorrow. Signin papers, getting salary, adult stuff. Which is kinda nice, tbh.

Mood:

log 11/8/2025

こんばんは ~ I totally lied about logging off earlier yesterday. Instead of getting good sleep I've tinkered my page and created a draft pic gallery (rn you can only see some of the shots I've made while being in Japan in spring last year). So in total I've slept for 4-5 hours at max? LOL But no worries! I still got up, pampered myself and went to the studios where I've signed the documents to receive my salary for creating visual development and for modeling 10 3D characters for my current animated film. I hope to get the coins ASAP! Had a small chat with the producer assistant, she told me a bit of crazy stories. It was nice seeing her. Afterwards I've had a short stroll and went home where I've ordered burgers from an app. My dad picked me up to get them and we had a nice meal together with mom at their place afterwards. Honestly I ate sm that I've instantly went to sleep! But it was so good. There was this new chicken burger with churrasco and it tasted like painful heaven. I'm awake rn and I'll probably search for some cool new widgets for my site. Also I forgot to mention that I'm 90% done with the main musical theme for my current animated film, I only need to rework one part that kinda sounds like the theme for Pirates of the Caribbean movies LOL. Okay, time to do stuff before going to sleep. XOXO

Mood:

log 11/9/2025

I've just realized that my log dates are wrong since I am summing up the day after midnight (which makes it a day after it happened lol).. Anyways! Yesterday (now that's correct) was incredibly fun. I continue staying at my parent’s place and my sister have paid a visit too! She brought special hay for my lovely rodents and a box of delicious pastries. After that our family went to a hockey game (the team that I and my mom cheered for has won). For dinner we went to my favorite American diner and while waiting for the food we laughed a lot and I played my PSP. Moments like this are very special to me and make me feel like a child again. Today I have a lot of stuff to do but the rural November is too cozy for me to function properly. Gotta watch rigging tutorials and figure out how to change the model topology so it can bend correctly joint-wise.

Mood:

log 11/10/2025

It was a lazy and a bit restless day. All of my family besides me went for an outing with my nephews and their mom (so glad they had a good time tho) but I've stayed at home cause I have a lot of work I have to do before heading to St Petersburg this week. I'm still battling rigging and rn I figured out how to do it via auto rig pro addon although I still need to figure out how to make bendable joints. Currently my character acts melted. Lord, send help LOL. Talked with my bestie on a call for 5 hours straight. She found a new job and I'm so happy for her!

Mood:

log 11/11/2025

I'll merge yesterday with today because both days felt like a craphole. I still haven't recieved money from the studios and they said they'll pay me by the end of the week which causes a lot of worries for me. They also ignored my question about the whole sum because I think I saw some mistakes while signin the docs. Ugh. I wanna feel relaxed in anticipation of tomorrows trip but those past two days been very anxiety-filling. Rn I am downloading some new games on my PSP so I won't die of boredom on a train. Idk. Everything feels off but It's going to be fine.

Mood:

log 11/17/2025

I am back from my St Petersburg trip. Tbh I'm feeling mixed. I had a nice time but my sister's constant mood swings drained a lot of energy from me. I am very grateful that she took care about everything and literally spoiled me but the price was high lol I barely held myself from getting into a fight with her. The festival went smoothly, some peeps really enjoyed my animated short. I still haven't recieved the full payment from the studio which makes me incredibly anxious. Because of that it's hard to feel inspired to do other short-related tasks, such as animating the storyboard. It's snowy outside and I hope I'll feel christmasy soon. Rn I am somewhat depressed. Also, I've decided to go anon on this page so I can say and post anything I want hahaha. anyways, xoxo and have a nice day (or evening) y'all

Mood:

log 11/19/2025

YAY! Yesterday I finally recieved the monies from the studio! I've closed off most major loans and currently planning further budget. This is such a relief. Still feeling a tad lazy about doing next tasks but soon I'll have to put my lack of self descipline aside. This morning was sooo cozy. I was greeted by a pile of fresh pancakes made by my dear mom and binged the whole plate with lavender honey as a topping and watched the two final episodes of Hazbin Hotel season 2. Honestly, I've enjoyed it! The writing is a little bit on a verge if a children's show at time but hey, what's the harm? I've been also playing Monster Hunter Generations on my 3DS and it's v pretty. Honestly, I just wanna endulge in geeky procrastination for a while. But it's not an option because I am a grown up and I need the coins LOL. Anyways, I feel much better now. xoxo

Mood:

log 11/29/2025 4:14 am

3 cans of energy drinks beside me (I get why Monster is so beloved now LOL), it's morning and I barely started my work. Sooo much stuff to do. But I do enjoy 3D modeling when it comes to architecture, thanks to my addiction to The Sims 2/3 haha! I wish I was a little bit faster because what I am doing currently is not that complicated. I wish ADHD wasn't real. Anyways, gotta go and work! Hope whoever reads this has an enjoyable day (unless you r a creepy perv). xoxo

Mood:

log 12/3/2025 9:44 am

Happy December, y'all! The deadlines are burning like wood inside the cozy fireplace. It's all good but BOY OH BOY my lack of focus is so absurd that it's hilarious. I finally started assembling my physical sketchbook btw! A thing I've never accomplished ever before. Okay my thoughts are getting fuzzy, gotta sleep before continuing working. KISSES

Mood:

log 12/23/2025 9:50 pm

haro everynyan (≖⩊≖) well, f*ck. I am on the verge. It’s seems that indulging in negativity, in fact, doesn’t make me less prone to bad happenings but, moreover, makes me insufferable. So I am taking baby steps towards more positive approach to life. Honestly, this December was not jolly AT ALL (until this moment, I hope). Lot’s of family troubles, misunderstandings, health issues, money issues, etc… But at the end I am grateful that at least everyone is alive. At this point it’s all that truly matters. As you can notice I slowly but surely update my site as I snailishly learn how to code. To me it’s rocket science. Don’t blame the doll for trying (even if the doll is a guy who pushes his late twenties). That’s all for now. If everything goes smoothly, I’ll buy a new PC in installments today. Cause the prices go up and it’s gonna be worse LOL. Gotta catch ‘em while we can. F*ck AI tho.

Mood: /

log 12/26/2025 1:12 pm

Happy 2d day of Christmas to all of the devotees of Gregorian calendar! Hope y’all having a blast. Our family is Slavic orthodox so we’re having xmas on 7th of January (right when the Gregorian ends). Tbh, don’t wanna jinx it (and I do realize how the balance of life works) but I am soooo vibing rn. It’s snowing, our house is almost fully decorated, my rodents are happily playing in their enclosure, I’m sipping my fav sparkling water, YT is on the tv (check out silvie the queen!!!) as I play Hearthstone. My parents went to run some errands in the city and they r coming back later with some takeout burgers (which I will happily sponsor). I am not productive at all but I enjoy resting very much and I don’t plan to feel guilty about it! The holiday vibes are finally getting onto me. Thank you, Higher Power, for that blessing.

Mood:

log 12/31/2025 7:03 pm

Just a few hours before 2026. And so is our little cozy family celebration. Like many years before (and more to come), our house is the most beautifully decorated. After going shopping for some groceries for the feast (and for a cat house for our new kitty), we visited our horses at the stables. Thankfully, they are okay and, as always, very well-kept. I've been helping to clean the house for the past couple of days, and I am not complaining. Although I must say that I got a tad lazy in terms of doing artsy things! I guess I had the right to relax from those. But I feel the artist urges! Many things on my mind, many things that I want to accomplish in the next year. But life is unpredictable, and I want to learn to stop reflecting so much and take action instead. I've wasted too much time on very stupid things. So, as a last journal entry for this year, I wish anyone (with a few exceptions) a healthy and peaceful New Year! xoxo

Mood:

log 1/7/2026 1:17 pm

Merry Christmas to all of my Julian calendar peers! Our family went to a church service tonight for the first time. Unfortunately, we were not strong enough to withstand it till the morning but I am sure we’ve been enlighted quite enough for a start. Rn mother prepares a Christmas lunch and we’re going to a live music venue at the city afterwards. I am not sure what the day quite holds for us as our holidays have been very mixed. To be short – it had a lot of ups and downs. And as grateful I am for the good stuff, I am also very tired from the unpleasantries and would love to spend a calm non-sensory-overloading day in a company of my new gaming PC (I’ve already paid first the installment so I can proudly say that I own it now haha). I mean, those holidays showcased the contrasts of real life itself – lots of warmth and beauty, lots of pity quarrels and uneasy vibes, lots of this and lots of that. Nothing can be perfect. And even when it is – it almost always goes downhill abruptly. I am, overall, fine. I am coming to the terms that life doesn’t have to be sparkly and whimsy at all times and it’s okay to take things through a grey-er lens. I just wish that I could manage my emotions much better than I do now. That being said, at the end of the month my short animated film is going to be shown at film festival (which I acknowledged just a couple of days ago haha). It was a goodbye kiss from 2025, as tough as it was. So with a deep breath in and a deep breath out (and a soft smile) I welcome 2026. I'll start making up the annual resolutions soon too. Anyways, Happy Holidays!

Mood: Ambiguous